I pulled up to the Municiple dump on Nuckols road today with every intention of depositing several boxes of cardboard from my workplace. I had been up since four AM at that point, and the morning had been rather stressful and busy for a Monday morning. I was looking forward to disposing of the boxes in the recycling bin. I had been telling myself for several weeks in the back of my mind that I wanted to do something about the horrible amounts of waste that my workplace produces on a daily basis in the form of cardboard, plastic, and compostable material. The easiest, I thought, would be to deal with the cardboard.

“I’m just here to do some recycling,” I told the woman at the booth.

She eyed the inside of my car, eyed me, then eyed my car again. “Where is it coming from?”

“From the coffee shop down the road,” I replied, with a bit of a smile. “No one else recycles it, so I’m trying to.”

“Well, you can’t bring that here. You’ll have to take it over to the scales.”

“I must have appeared to be confused, as she said, “Since It’s coming from a business, it needs to be weighed.”

I deflated. “how much will that cost?” I asked her.

“Well, it’s prorated at fifty dollars, but you can bring it back here and recycle it.”

I deflated further. I didn’t HAVE fifty dollars.

“But five hundred pounds, which that is not, is only about 12.50.” I didn’t even have that much.

“Well, thank you anyway,” I said. “Where else could I take it?

I eyed the sign, which said that recyclables were free to leave at the dump. The woman then proceeded to tell me about a firestation near where I live that had, unfortunately, discontinued their drop off location.

“Can I do a uturn here?” I asked, dejectedly, hoping that at least THAT would be allowed.

When given permission, I resisted the urge to pull into the recycling area anyway and quickly pull out the cardboard, then take off like a bat out of hell. I knew that if I did that, I would never again be able to pull in to take my household recyclables without serious trouble. I went down the road, and headed home.

How is that as an individual taking responsibility for the recyclable materials of a store, where we have no means of recycling these things, needs to pay to do what they should be doing? When I go to the firestations that I have found with recycling areas in them, will I eventually have to move from station to station just to find a place to leave things I am tired of throwing into the trash? Will the curbside pick up pick up all of this, or can I convince the powers that be to have better recycling facilities for those businesses in strip malls? It’s amazing how many walls one starts to find when one wants to do something about their environment. But I’m convinced that there are just as many ladders about that I can use to get over these walls, one step at a time.

Kona was sure that coffee would not help the situation as it stood, with her head pounding and her getting ready to throw up yet again from the lights and sound, but she said, “Oh god, I haven’t had coffee in weeks. That would be so nice.”
“Hey, you never know, maybe it’ll help your head,” she said. “So, uh… mind if I pick you up?”
“Whaterver for?”
“We’re going to get coffee, I have a promise to fulfil to the doctor who glued your skin back together,” She replied.
“Oh, well. I suppose that wil be alright. Just… just don’t shove me into a pocket, or something. And unwrap me.”
“…I can’t. You’re… lacking in the body covering department.”
“…” Kona closed her eyes. “…I don’t see how this can get any worse.”
“Want me to make it worse? Your current options for clothing include doll clothes and a handkerchife toga.”
“Give me the handkerchief.” Kona sighed as human shifted away. “Coffee first. Then I can deal with today. Why does no one ever understand that?”
“Ahh, spoken like a true addict.” Lily returned, putting down a large square of fabric that was large enough to cover several beds and picked up kona. The process of unwinding her from the cloth was short, and when the human had finished with her work, Kona really wished that she hadn’t asked. Lily set the sprite on her feet, where she hunched over for both modesty and a little bit of warmth.
“It’s as cold as all hell in here!” The sprite said just before she had to sit down because of a rather sudden fit of vertigo. “Ugh… my stomach…”
“Here, wrap up. I’ll see about making you some clothes later when I’m not really hungry.” Kona found the cloth dumped on ehr head.
It only took her a few moments of wrapping before she had a nice, if not very practical, dress about her body. She was thankful her mother had shown her the wonders that was making use of what she had in the way of cloth, though Kona had hoped to leave the togas back in college for the morning after the drunken parties her roommates seemed to enjoy to throw so very much.
“Alright, now I can I pick you up?” Lily asked.
“Yes. I think if I move under my own power that I might regret it more than I regret whatever else I regret in my life.”
“Spledidious,” Lily said and Kona found herself lifted up. “Okay, you’re sure you won’t go into a pocket?”
“It can’t be any colder out there than it is in here. Don’t you believe at least in having a little bit of heat?”
“Nope. I’m trying to save the environment one really cold winter day at a time,” the girl said with a shrug. “I’ll take that as you don’t want to be in a pocket,” she replied finally. “Guess we’re walking.”
Kona was rather surprised that she was warm enough in the human’s hands and that the building was rather old. When they arrived outside it was damp, grey, and cold, but Kona was firmly rooted in the fact that she had been right about the difference between the interior and exterior temperatures and the lack of difference therefore.
She looked about. There were cars, there were people, and Kona really wished that she had not felt a dire need for caffeine because her head felt even worse.
“Alright?” Lily asked.
“Yes,” she replied, making her eyes open and getting an eyeful of gigantic penises. “…What the HELL is that?!”
“That’s a toy store,” Lily said, and Kona could hear the smirk in her voice. “People don’t believe me when I tell them that I live over a sex shop for some reason.”
“…I wish I had one of those near me.”
“Been a long time?”
“No, my father would kill me if he found out.
“Parental units are such troublesome things, aren’t they?” Lily asked as she moved on down the sidewalk. It only took them a few moments until they entered a warm, dimly lit coffee shop. Kona was so glad that she wasn’t going to have to shiver any more.
“Lily!”
“What the hell do you want, Chloe?” Kona looked towards the woman behind the register. Who registered that something was moving and felt the need to shout, “By the love of god, it’s YOU!”
“…”
“…”
Lily looked down at Kona. “…You know this woman?”
“Uh… no,” Kona replied. “Standard procedure upon meeting a human is to throw big things at them until they run away or managed to grab you. Then you send them into a diabetic coma with a sugar rush.”
“…Huh.”
Chloe jumped over the counter as she was wont to do on many occasions, flashing the male customers and female with a glance up her short skirt and at those smily face panties. “Marcus said you landed here this morning and Lily had you.”
“…You knew she was coming?”
“You knew I was coming?”
“Well, yes,” The woman said, straightening her skirt and apron.
“And you didn’t feel the need to communicate this to your staff for what reason?” Lily asked, on hand going to her hip.
“Need to know basis,” Chloe said, raising her hand and giving a solomn nod. “I didn’t think that she was going to be this small…”
“…” Kona looked between Lily and Chloe, then finally said, “Someone give me some coffee or I’ll decaffeinate the lot of you. NOW!”
Interesting facts: Sprites, when they are suitably annoyed or scared, can yell louder than any human, even louder than Big George, annoying children at six in the morning, and even Tetsu, which is a feat in and of itself.
“Oh, yeah,” Lily said. “Sorry, Kona. Marcus!”
“What!” a young man peaked out from behind the bar.
“Make me something for Big George and something else to make everything all better for the Sprite here.”
“…We don’t have anything small enough for her.”
“Dude, she’s got a headache and is pissed because she needs coffee. Just come up with something, okay?”
“Fine, fine,” the young man said, and disappeared once more behind the bar.
Kona, satisfied that her need for caffeine was about to be met, looked at the woman staring down at her with a very strange look in her eyes. “Now… Why do you know why I’m here and I don’t know?”
“…My god. You’re so ADORABLE!” The woman got a stupid grin on her face. “You’re the cutest little thing ever! So cute I don’t even have the urge to smash you with the grinder!”
Kona blinked, then sighed. She heard Lily do the same, then watched the human acting as her mode of transport reach over and shake the woman.
“Right, sorry. The cute tried to take a strangle hold on me again,” Chloe said. “I’m Chloe. Corporate sent word that you were being sent to us to work… for your own protection, apparently.”
“…Are you someone important and should I be expecting an invasion force on my apartment?” Lily asked. “Cause if so, I need to make Tetsu lose some weight and fit him with samurai armor.”
“For my own protection.” Lily sighed. “Ah, my father must have found out about the multiple attempts on my life from last week.”
“I have a Big George special and something that will probably give tiny things a heart attack,” Marcus yelled.
“What do you mean, multiple attempts on your life?” Lily asked as she carried kona over.
As soon as she was close enough, she jumped off Lily’s hand and onto the low shelf that must have been for handing off drinks. She went for the smaller cup that was big enough for her to sponge bathe in. She stuck her head in and drank. And, of course, she started to feel better instantly.
Ahh, the wonders of coffee and caffeine. What would any sprite do without access to those things that they specialized in?
“…Wow. You must have really needed the coffee,” Lily said.
“Yes, I’ve been sequestered at home for the past month and a half and my parents haven’t allowed me to work. Caffeine is my source of power, after all.”
“So why would someone try to kill you again?” Chloe asked, bending down to be level with Kona on the handoff plain.
“My father is the patriarch of a very large tribe, namely the one that guards her Majesty, the queen. As his daughter I, like the children of other very important ministers, am in line for the throne. The queen won’t tell anyone the order we’re in, though, not even us. It makes for many murder attempts when one thinks that the queen favors others above them.”
“Well hell, that’s a messy world to live in.” Lily flagged down the guy working the bar and said, “Con Panno me, my good man. Make it a hazelnut Con panno.”
“You hate them.”
“But they have whipped cream!”
“Well, I suppose that I can’t argue with that logic,” he replied in a rather sarcastic voice.
“No messier than yours. Actually, much cleaner, as we know how to use things more than once.” Kona looked at her now empty cup. “Paper cups and plates… so silly.”
Kona, actually, felt much better. Her head ache was gone and she was pretty sure that the cut that was supposed to be on her head was also missing. She had never recalled coffee doing that for her before, but hey, she would take what she could get. She stood up and stretched which was a mistake. Her toga fell off. “…”
“It’s a good thing that that pedo doesn’t come in any more, Marcus said. As Kona hastily gathered up the handkerchief up. “Okay, Chloe, your turn.”
“My turn what now?” the woman said.
“It’s the manager’s job to keep her partners informed of changes, no matter how big, small, or apocalyptic. And to come in when others cannot for some reason,” Lily said.
“Okay, look, this morning I had a very big sexy man between my legs. I wasn’t going to answer the phone no matter how much Marcus called me.”
Kona, Lily, and the nun who had just walked in with three children, not to mention the rest of the population of the store, turned to stare at Chloe. She cleared her throat. “In any case, that’s not the point.”
“So, now to explain why Kona fell on my head this morning.”
“Corporate didn’t give me the details,” Chloe replied. “She’ll be working here, though, and preforming many of the same duties she did at wherever she worked at before… which is nearly impossible because of her small size.”
“More or less. So I’m getting paid to be here?”
“Yes, but it won’t be the rate of pay you’re used to. We’re… still trying to figure out what the hell your pay scale is supposed to be.” Chloe rubbed her chin. “We’re having a store meeting tomorrow with the district manager.”
“WHY?! Why do you people hate me so much?!” Lily demanded.
“Oh yeah, that reminds me… I need you to work this week, Lily,” Chloe said. “I fired Gary this morning.”
We told you that Gary wasn’t important. See?
“I asked for the week off!”
“I still need you.”
“…Can I have next week off?”
“No.”
Lily closed her eyes and seemed to be ready to throw the box of beverage that she was holding. But she took a few deep breaths and said, “You had be very grateful that I like you, or I would start leaving Tetsu in your purse.”
“If you bring that cat anywhere near me again, I will smash it with the grinder.” Chloe took a breath herself. “The letter mentioned you specifically, Lily, since they know you’re one of our better partners in the store and happen to help out where you can with quite a few… strange circumstances.”
“You mean they know I attract weird too?”
“..You do? So do I.”
Indeed, Kona does attract strange things, much in the same way that Lily does. She’s the only Sprite known to have ridden a cat voluntarily, to raise kittens to maturity, get along with anything, and she tends to attract smaller versions of the same things that Lily does, save not things that would be much smaller than she is. The only reason that no one has noticed this is because her family acts much stranger than she does and people consider her normal by comparison.
“We’ll be great friends and you’re not going to live with Chloe because eventually she’ll smash you with a grinder.”
“You’re still sore about that frog, aren’t you?” The woman asked.
“Yes. Well, now that I’m working all week, get me my damn tips so I can go get food.”
“Fine, fine.” Chloe stood and looked down at Kona. “For now, since it seems you’ll be staying with Lily, you’ll come in following her schedule, alright?”
“That’s fine,” she replied. Lily downed the espresso in a ceramic cup. “…Better?”
“I won’t be better until there’s a day I don’t come into work for some reason,” Lily replied.
They retrieved the schedule and some money from the manager, and were out the door. Kona took up residence on Lily’s shoulder.
“Now where to?”
“Taking this traveler of Big George to the doctor who patched you up,” She replied. “Some transfer you go there.”
“I suppose I should probably get used to it,” Kona replied.
“You won’t have to. When you start working at this Starbucks, you never seem to be able to leave it. I’ve been here for a few years now.”
“Ahh, well, I suppose that it’s like this. Though I think that my father wouldn’t send me to a coffee shop to protect me, not a human one.”
“What would he do?”
“Probably lock me up deep underground.”
“See, your dad thinks like mine did. I haven’t been home in about three years now.”
“Oh? Is that the reason why?”
“Nope. He just doesn’t believe that I would rather serve coffee for a living.”
***
It was really weird to Lily that the one person who she just met and already really liked was four inches tall and a magical being who healed instantly upon ingestion of massive amounts of caffeine. As she and Kona made their way down the sidewalk towards the farmer’s market, with Tetsu tubbing along behind then, she decided that today, it didn’t suck so much to be a weirdness magnet.
“Okay, so, you’re now working with me and everyone,” Lily said. “But that’s gonna be hard. I think Osha might have a problem with that.”
“Occupational whats its, right? I suppose there’s a risk of crushing for everything in that store.” The sprite sounded like she should be British. She spoke mostly proper and just lacked the accent. “But enough of that. I think I’m starved.”
“You’re not the only one. I need to eat something bad,” Lily replied. “What do you guys eat anyway?”
“You humans still eat mostly processed things, right?”
“Most do, I try not to.”
“Well good, I’ll eat what you do then,” Kona replied. “I don’t want to come into contact with something that some of my… decidedly more wild cohorts might have been in contact with.”
“Ahh, that is a genuine concern,” Lily said. She stretched her arms up. “I don’t let anyone but Marcus or Elena make my drinks, but I haven’t worked with Elena in a while.”
“What are we going to find at this market?”
“Right now, some milks, cheeses, winter vegetables. Some people still have apples and such. I kind of miss eating out of the grocery store some days, especially when I want strawberries.”
“It gives you something to look forward to, however.”
“WANT FOOD!” The cat stopped because lily’s arm traveled back slowly with the leash that was attached to the harness that she used to keep the cat from chasing small defenseless things. “HUNGRY! FOOD FOR ME NOW!”
Lily sighed and looked back at Tetsu. “You ate this morning!”
“Don’t care. FOOD now.”
“…That feline is annoying,” Kona said.
“Yeah, he is indeed. I was less annoying when he was thinner.”
“Well, I think he’s going to remain annoying until he finishes this stage of development,” Kona replies.
“Stage of Development?”
“Usually, these types of feline consume massive amounts of food, cumulating in the consumption of their care taker to get to the next level.”
Lily didn’t like the sound of that, and looked back at Tetsu, who was eyeing her and or Kona with that ‘I’m Hungry’ gaze he always has. “…What would the next level be?”
“Well I don’t know anything about his type of cat. Is it a Japanese cat?”
“Well, the previous owner lived in little Tokyo. I guess so.”
“That’s a rather close minded assumption, you know,” the sprite said.
“Look, I gotta go on what I’ve got,” she replied. “Come on Tetsu.”
“Food for me?”
“We’re going to buy more chicken.”
“FOOD!” The cat bounded up, which is to say that he rolled over and failed a bit until he figured out that he couldn’t bound up and just stood.
“Think if I stuff him enough he won’t eat me?” Lily asked in a whisper.
“Probably,” Kona replied in a similar tone. “It’s going to take a lot of food though.”
“One must wonder how close he is to changing,” Kona said. “Where did it come from?”
“He showed up on my door step one morning,” Lily replied. “Yelled at me to let him in, find his master, this that and the other thing. HE was a thin mouser back then.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I tracked down his house because his owner was smart enough to make sure that he had a tag and a mircochip. But she was dead.”
“Dead? Oh dear, that doesn’t bode well.”
“Yeah, the family didn’t tell me how she died, but I think she was a little old woman. I looked in the papers and it just said that she died of old age peacefully in her sleep. She was over a hundred years old.”
“…Huh.”
“Huh?”
“Well, that’s really strange because usually, his kind of creature physically eats it’s master when it gets ready to evolve to it’s next form. How did it come to you?”
“Tetsu is a He, and he came to me pretty skeletal.”
“…Wow. That’s… very strange.” Kona shifted on Lily’s shoulder. “It makes me a little uncomfortable.”
“Well, I try not to think about what he is. Makes me have to worry about less than I’m already worried about.” Lily smirked and turned her head towards the sprite. “Besides, I think if he was going to eat me he would have done it by now.”
They arrived in the market area. It wasn’t so busy, with it being mid day and pretty cold out. With it being winter and all, most of the things Lily would have to choose from were cabbage, apples, and various root vegetables that were not very exciting. At the same time, she could also pick up eggs, milk, cheese, and sometimes even the odd hygiene product if she was feeling as if it were necessary for life for her to wash under her armpits.
Not to imply Lily is a filthy coffee jockey, mind you, but she doesn’t always seem to see the importance of keeping her body to the standards of beauty all people seem to treasure so much. Soap and water once a day or two usually did the trick.”
“…This is nice,” Kona said. “There’s no candy or teeth rotting crap anywhere in sight.”
“Indeed,” Lily replied. “You have markets like this where you’re from?”
“Yes,” the small being replied, however they are usually full of, well… things that are not healthy for you if you are human. Candy, baked goods, sharp pointy things.”
“Ahh. You have to watch out for those sharp pointy things.”
Lily made her way over to her favorite vender, who tended to have the better vegetables.
“Lilian!” The man said, smirking impishly. “What’s the good word?”

“I! Oh, I do, Oh I really really do! I do so hate to work here! In The morning and in the evening and even in the afternoon! I hate it when the sun shines and when it pours rain EV-ER-Y-WHERE!”
“Lily, your hate “I hate working for STarbucks” song at five thirty in the morning is not appreciated,” Marcus growled in a haze of sleep.
Lily finished putting a plate of some pastries that she hated in the case with a snort. “This is what you get when you call me in, only my only day off, when I am tired, sick, and CLOSED last night at midnight.”
“We don’t deserve it,” he replied. “Espresso…”
“Yes you dooooo,” she said in her very best sing song voice. “I ask for one day a week off. ONE day. And what do you bastards do? You call me in.”
“It’s not like you have anything else to do today, you said that yourself,” Marcus said as he carried out the three gifts to the condiment bar—the half and half, the whole milk, and the nonfat, the holy trinity of coffee fixings which would be further served by the holy fancy word for five of sweeteners—the splenda, sweet and low, equal, sugar in the raw and good old regular granulated white sugar.
“That’s the whole point of a day off,” Lily replied as she wheeled the pastry cart behind the counter. “I sleep, I eat, I do things that don’t involve me making coffe for people like the jerk ass who is now pounding on the window.”
Lily eyed the man. They were only running about five minutes behind because Lily was a freak and was already up and dressed. She also had the advantage of living over a toy store that was only a few buildings away.
“How many bets he’s late for his train again?” Lily asked as she prepped the bar.
“You know he is,” Marcus replied. “Whenever he comes in, even if we’re a second late, he’s always late for a train.
“Alright, then. Bets on the minutes he’s going to lecture us?”
“Five.”
“Nope, going to be seven,” she said.
“Twenty bucks?”
“Sounds good to me,” she replied. “Open it up.”
Invaribly, Lily listened to the man complain that the CEO was going to hear all about this in a letter, and timed it with one of those handy little digital timers. When they finally got him out of the store with a decafinated drink, Marcus looked over.
“Time?”
“Seven minutes on the dot,” Lily said with a smirk. She held out her hand. “Pay up, Mister Marcus.”
Marcus grumbled and fished out the twenty dollar bill. Lily plucked it from his hands with a smirk. She held it up to the light and examined it with one eye shut, then tucked it away into the apron of her pocket.
As soon as that was done, she gave Marcus a sweeping bow. “Thank you, good sirah. With this and tips today, I have enough to feed my shrinking gut.” She then turned to the back to retrieve sandwiches that were over priced but made of delicious things.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Lillian Ante Throughgood. A curvy five foot one twenty something that weighs about one hundred and forty pounds and is, as she is free to admit, more inclined to be pear shaped than not. Her hair tragically got into a fight with a barber with an electric razor several months before, so the black locks which were once short and cute were now even shorter and very much on the grungy punkier side save for some longer locks in front, which were allowed to survive.
Lily, as she likes to be called, is in possession of a singularly interesting trait that is noted in everyone she meets but is not spoken of. It is not her waredrobe, though when she is not at work it is decidedly colorful and made of clothing that has been dug from either a thrift store or the dumpster of a thrift store. No, it is not this trait because small children like to point and shout, “MOMMY, THAT CRAZY LADY IS SKIPPING!”. This has made Lily the enemy of the mothers in the neighborhood because their children never shut up about the fact Lily looks like she’s happy.
No, the thing that young and old, brat and prude, all seem to notice about her is that Lily attracts weird. It’s not just any kind of weird, mind you. This isn’t the weird in that she can accurately predict that a drink or a customer will give her trouble and the amount of time it will take. If people knew that, she wouldn’t be able to win bets when she was low on cash. It isn’t even the weird in that freaky people gravitated to her like zombies seeking fresh brains, like people with only thumbs and a single eyeball or fire and brimstone preachers or, god forbid, her own coworkers.
No, the type of weird Lily attracted was decidely of the more magical kind.
For example, the fact the only talking cat in the world made its way to her door step from its previous home living in a little old japanese lady’s house down in little Tokyo. (Lily theorizes that the cat’s previous owner is dead, because the family just slammed the door in her face while they were bawling when she tried to return the cat.) Or there was that time when she had a pack of rats follow her around the city for three days when she had the song “Zydrate Anatomy” stuck in her head. When the song became something else, Lily thinks that it might have been “Meaning of Life”, they all scattered within a few seconds of her starting to whistle it.
Or, there was this time.
You see, once the sandwiches were all put away and one just so happened to be open and just so happened to get marked out and make its way into Lily’s lunch bag, she slid on over to the bar (saying that she walked a few feet from the door to the back room to the espresso machines.) Once there, she had the particularly jaring moment of having something tiny fall on her head, roll, bounce, do something between a flail and a three point somersault and land with limbs akimbo in front of Lily on the counter.
“Uh… Did you throw something at me, Markus?” Lily asked as she reached for the steam wand rag and moved to wipe it down.
“No,” he replied. “Be quiet, I’m counting things.”
“Dude, seriously. Did you throw some naked tiny thing at me?”
She rolled her head over his way as she continued to open the bar. See, when one has multiple weird things happen to them a week, from the mundane ‘always called into work when you should have the day off’ to the ‘rats following you about the city’, one can continue to do their work while demanding to know what the fuck was going on.
“No, dude,” he replied, looking up from the duty roster. “Why, what happened?”
Lily stopped what she was doing as those limbs finally fell down. She pointed, silently, at the four inch tall body lying on the counter top. Marcus crept over and, very carefully shifted his pen. It inched forward with the intention of poking the little human-shaped thing, but Lily slapped his hand.
“Don’t do that!”
“Why not, It looks like it’s dead!”
“It’s not dead,” she hissed, leaning closer. “Look, it’s breathing.”
Marcus leaned closer to look. “Eww, it is.” He paused, then looked over to her. “…Think we should squish it?”
Lily paused to rub her chin. “I dunno, I mean, it doesn’t look like a bug. Or an animal. Looks like a kid.”
“I dunno. Maybe it wants us to think that,” Marcus said in a stage whisper.
“…What are we looking at?”
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Gary. Gary is the very loud young man who can never get in to open on time. He is big in height and body frame and, it is theorized, very small in brain thanks to massive amounts of beer guzling. We only introduce him to you now, because, well…
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!”
Because Lily is going to go off on him.
“Well, I was…”
“Well, I was drinking last night,” Lily said in a very good imitation of the young man’s voice, rather slow and dim witted. “Fucking can’t show up on time. You know how big you owe me for today, meat head? This is the FIFTH. WEEK. In a duck-fucking row. Five weeks that I haven’t had a day off. Why can you NOT SHOW UP for the three days a week that you work.”
Marcus cleared his throat just as lily was jabbing Gary in the chest with her finger. He was nearly a foot taller than she was but she had him cowering before her like she was about to take his head off with a very large axe. In fact, Lily was rather tempted to get one just to threaten the boy with.
“What?!” She demanded.
“…Dude, take care of the naked thing on the bar and go home.” He smirked a bit. “I’m sure that you could use the sleep.”
“…Wait, you want me to take it? No way! Tetsu eats small things that move, organic or not!”
“Hey, you’re the person who attracts the really weird stuff, no me,” marcus says. “Besides, if Chloe comes in and sees that thing, she’s going to squish it with the grinder. You know how much she likes to squish things with the grinder.”
“Stupid slut head and her squishing that perfectly good frog…” Lily sighed and swept the small thing into her apron pocket. “Don’t call me in tomorrow, I’m sleeping.”
“You always say that,” Marcus said as she moved to the back room. She retrieved her food and as she came to the front back, he asked, “Going to be back at two for your tips?”
“Yeah. Give me espresso,” she replied. She leaned against the counter. “Con Panna me, man, I need to shop!”
“If only I didn’t know what you meant by shop,” Marcus replied in a mutter. He marked out the drink for her, prepared and served it, and within about thirty seconds she had consumed it and handed back the ceramic cup.
“That tasted like shit. Thanks.”
“Why do you keep drinking them, then?” He asked as she shoved off the counter and walked for the door.
“I like whipped cream,” she said, not looking back. She waved. “See you folks later today.”
Lily returned to her apartment over the toy store. It was amazing that a simple change of location was enough to improve her mood vastly. Once she fought her way past the ancinet door and up the stairs to the tiny landing, Lily opened up her door, stepped inside, and too a few moments to just breathe.
“Food. Food for me?”
Lily’s first reaction was to start drawing her foot back, but then she remembered that the giant orange tabby who now circled around her feet was hers and she had, indeed, forgotten to feed him this morning when she rushed out the door to work. Tetsu circled expectantly, tail waving back and forth like a war banner. It was his decleration that he would make her day miserable if his demands for a full belly were not met.
“Food? Food now food? Food for me? Food for me now?” Tetsu purred up at her, stretching his blubbery body up so he was leaning against something? His paws reached up to her apron pockets and knocked the little thing within, and his ears perked when it made some sort of squeaky noise.
“Oh no you don’t, cat,” Lily said. “That’s not for you, that’s for me.” She pushed him off of her leg with the same and shed clothing as she went to the kitchen. In a few moments she was down to bra and panties and was fishing that little sprite out of her apron pocket as she pranced about, chanting, “Cold, cold, cold, cold…”
You see, Lily was a really weird freak who didn’t believe in heating her apartment. It kept her electricity bill down and though she was cold, Tetsu made the best foot warmer in the world when he wasn’t marching around her bed demanding food. In this moment, she regretted sheding her clothing as she met Tetsu’s demands for food in a dish that was better suited to a large canine. The tabby dove into it, sticking his front paws into the mixture of canned food, dry food, and leftover chicken from the night before.
“I need to put you on a diet, cat,” She said, taking a few moments to contemplate Tetsu’s food consumption gusto.
“Diets bad,” he replied through a mouthful.
Lily shook her head and quickly scampered to her bedroom, which was equally as cold but held her big sweaters and thick sweat pants. Soon enough, clothing was procured and she returned to the kitchen to contemplate the naked child thing she’d been carrying around like a rag doll.
The first thing she noted was that, thankfully, it was female. It also had white hair and a cherubish-like face, which Lily thought was a little annoying but it worked. She looked it over for any injuries and, finding only a tiny bleeding crack in her skull, she appeared to be whole and unharmed.
“Wait a mintue… well, that can’t be good,” Lily muttered. She dug out a dish towel, wrapped up the little thing, and went to dump her apron in the washer with the rest of her clothes. Blood was hard to get out of clothing once it set.
Lily fished under Tetsu’s fat belly, which had decided to settle on top of her phone, his war banner tail again waving with curiosity for the bleeding intruder. There was a time she had to worry about tetsu, when he was thin and not as lazy, hunting down anything that bled even a small drop. Now though he shifted for her to get the phone and leaned closer to watch the cherub-sprite-thing breath and bleed. She dialed the store.
“Thank you for calling--”
“Can it, Marcus,” Lily said, “It’s me. I have a question.”
“Shoot, Lil,” he said, starting to steam some milk which sounding rather much like Tetsu snoring.
“If you were a bleeding sprite thing with a cracked skull, where would you go to have your skull repaired?”
“…Is this theoretical or is that sprite thing that dropped on your head a bleeding sprite with a cracked skull in dire need of repair?”
“Both, I suppose,” Lily replied, pushing the sprite out of the way of Tetsu’s probing paw.
“WAAAAAAAAAANT!” Tetsu started to wail. “WANT! WANT! WANT!”
“What the FUCK is that,” Marcus asked.
“Tetsu, ignore the wailing,” Lily said, flicking Tetsu’s ears. He growled at her and darted off the counter to attempt to reach around his fat body with his short back legs and scratch the offending ear.
“I would take it to a vet,” Marcus said, “But considering that the vet won’t even see your cat since you taught it to curse, next best bet is, uh… maybe the Patient First up the road a few blocks. Need a car?”
“No, I’ll stuff the thing in my pocket and ride my bike,” Lily said. “Thanks Marcus.”
She hung up the phone and retrieved her coat, hat, purse, and bike. After careful application of sprite to pocket and bike to hall, Lily proceeded to drop her bike and watch it roll down stairs with a spectacular crash. After a few moments of staring at it, bike wheel spinning, Lily raised her arms.
“Ten points!”
She then proceeded to collect it from the bottom of the stairs and leave, locking up afterwards, mounting, and riding on down the sidewalk, whistling as she did so. It wasn’t too long of a ride, though Lily then had to wait outside for about twenty minutes, waiting for the people to open up. She supposed that, perhaps, wearing shoes and socks would have been a very good and smart idea. By the time the nurse opened the door, Lily was pretty sure that she was going to have to see someone about frost bite.
The older woman, a black lady that Lily was pretty sure had been at Patient First since the dawn of time, looked over her glasses at Lily.
“We don’t serve your kind here,” She said.
“I’m not here with a burn, scald, or even for me, I promise.” She fished into her purse for her ultimate form of bribery--Caffine. “And if you let me in and tolerate me, you can have this twelve pack of VIA.”
The woman raised her eyebrows. “Colombia or Italian?”
“Your choice.”
The woman broke into a grin and started to chuckle. “I’m playing with you, honey, get on in here. Why are you in your bare feet?”
“I forgot to put on shoes,” She replied, handing over two twelve packs of via. “Like I said, I’m not here for me?”
“It’s not that cat again, is it? Because if it is, I need to warn the girls not to let anyone else in.”
“No, Tetsu’s just fat right now, something I can fix on my own if I can get a pad lock for the fridge.” She shifted for her pocket. “Need someone who can fix skulls and be really gentle about it.”
“That better not be no rat,” the nurse said, leaning back.
“You know better than that,” Lily said, pulling her hand out and unwrapping part of the sprite-cherub-thing to reveal the bleeding cracked skull.
The nurse raised her eyebrows and leaned close. “What the hell is that?”
“I dunno, I just know it’s a girl. It fell on my head then took an involuntary dive onto the bar this morning. Think you guys can help me out?”
“…It’s human shaped, right?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, good. That makes my life at least three times easier than it would have been otherwise.” The nurse moved towards the counter. “I’ll go get big George.”
Lily didn’t even sit down. Big George was actually a man who was three feet tall, but otherwise was a perfectly shaped human being.
“It’s nice to have a patient who’s smaller than me and not a kid… I think it’s not a kid?” George said, waving Lily back. “Thank god it’s not that cat.”
“Hey, if I can get Tetsu to lose some weight I’m sure he’ll be a lot more pleasant,” Lily said. “Everyone just keeps reminding me of how much I’ve taught that cat to say, most people would be thrilled to hear a talking cat.”
“It’s great until he sounds like a broken record singing the most explicit music known to man kind,” George said. “Alright, lemme see this…” he paused as he looked at her hands and the towel-wrapped little thing, then asked, “Lily, has anyone ever told you that you attract the weirdest things?”
“Yeah, I get that a lot,” she replied as she unwrapped the small patient. “That let’s make sure it’s alive,” she said.
George, despite having stubby fingers, was fairly gentle with the patient, doing the poking and prodding that was required of a doctor to do, finally, he leaned away.
“HEY GLINDA!” He yelled. This was where George got his nickname--when he yelled, he could yell. He had the biggest voice that she had ever heard come from a man or woman. However, she remained convinced that every child in that came into her store and Tetsu both had larger voices that scored into the absolutely epic in volume.
“Hey what, George,” the nurse asked, looking around the corner.
“Find me my super glue!” He looked back up to Lily. “It’s a lot of blood but it’s just a cut. A nasty cut, but besides some rattled brains should be okay.”
“No stitches?”
“Are you nuts? I’m a doctor, not a tailor,” he replied. “I can’t make stitches small enough to keep that closed.”
“Point taken,” she replied. “Alright, what the hell do I owe you this time?”
“You owe me the biggest damn coffee drink you can make me,” He replied. “Seriously, though, nothing. I just miss the days where I could have a person walk in and not have to charge them for something as small as a scald.”
“Miss the free clinc days, huh?”
“Oh yeah,” the man replied with a sigh. “Don’t miss the druggies but I miss being able to give people the help they need.”
Glinda returned with the tiny body of glue, and with a few moments patience and a toothpick, George got the creature all cleaned up and her skin bonded together to keep her from bleeding everywhere. He finally wrapped her back up.
“Alright, standard small creature proceedure that you’d get from a vet. Have plenty of fluids near by, soft but secure place to sleep, and keep your foul mouthed cat away from it. I’m sure it’s carrying more than the F-Bomb.”
“Nope, Tetsu’s clean,” Lily said, tucking the sprite away. “Thanks, man.”
“Any time, kid,” he replied. “Let me know when it wakes up, okay? And bring me a coffee. A really big one.”
“You got it, George,” she replied.
**
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Kona.
According to science Kona doesn’t actually exist. She is four inches tall, weighs a few ounces, and is what any fantasy buff or beleiver in the supernatural would call a sprite. Usually, sprites are child-like creatures with rather annoying habits, such as pulling pranks, being annoying, and every once in a while eating enough sugar to send a elephant into a diabetic coma.
Kona is an unusal specimen of her speices simply because of the fact she doesn’t do any of this. In fact, from the group that she comes from, it’s quite rare to find the prankster sprite. In fact, not only is a prankster quite rare it’s also highly looked down upon. That’s the biggest reason a sprite leaves the group, because they don’t want to act like adults and are thrown out when they throw temper tantrums. There are, of course, bigger reasons that get one tossed out, but at the moment, we won’t go into those.
So, therefore, Kona is an adult sprite with mature tastes and is, for some reason we’re not going to discuss quite yet, separated from her group. Somehow, she ended up in Lily’s Starbucks, on top of her head, and then finally sprawled out on the counter with no clothing on. And no, that isn’t even the least bit suspicious at all!
Since she arrived, and stayed unconscious, one can therefore imagine the confusion that prompted her, upon waking up and finding herself rather snugly wrapped with a giant feline face staring down at her, to scream bloody murder. Or, rather, Fucking murder, as Kona is not and refuses to be British.
Of course, the cat started screaming back, which made Kona scream again with greater volume.
“Toy screams!” The cat yowled and darted off of the table, which made Kona’s mouth snap shut and made her stare after the beast.
“…The death machine talks!”
Of course, that is when Kona realized the great mistake she made in not only screaming, but in talking as well. This mistake made her have to roll over to her side and vomit because of the splitting headache that now threatened to make her regret waking up.
“Ugh….”
“Toy vomits… is not toy,” she heard the cat say and another stab of pain went through her head. She popped open an eye and found that the cat was studying her with intensity.
“Oh great, not only is it talking, it has reasoning skills. What did I do to deserve this…?” She groaned in a very harsh croak.
“Think… is food?”
“NO!” Kona winced as another voice screamed and made her poor head throb. “No, don’t poke it, Tetsu. Stop that, it’s not food, I said STOP!”
Kona just sighed and closed her eyes as the cocoon she was wrapped in was prodded repeatedly by a gigantic orange paw. Such was always Kona’s life. Her mother always told her that one day, she would end up as a burrito for a kitty, but no, she didn’t listen.
“Tetsu, you lard bucket, get off the counter! Stupid mother fucking cat.” The cat was shoved away by a rather large hand and a new face appeared before Kona as she opened them.
Holy shit, it was a human.
Normally, a sprite was supposed to panic and throw all sorts of things the human’s way when it caught them, but that was the old days and traditions like that are what had gotten her people, along with anything else under the height of half a foot, hunted to just about extermination or extinction or whatever term the current generation of humans had decided was suitable for calling the massive genocide of another species. Kona, for her part, just sighed again.
“Look, I can’t give you wishes, or money, or whatever the hell you want so it might just be best if you let me go and we both part ways.”
“…Uh, I wasn’t going to ask,” the human said. Kona thought it was a female, but it was hard to see when one couldn’t look at the rest of the body. “You got sick.”
“Yes, I realize this,” she replied. The human’s hand moved to wipe up her mostly watery vomit with a cloth and Kona could see the skin was ashy and dry. If only her brain was working to try to put together what the human did as an occupation.
“How’s your head feeling?”
“It feels like someone’s been hammering on it with a bag of rocks,” Kona replied, squinting her eyes shut. “Please don’t talk so loud.”
“Sorry, I only have one volume. Working at Starbucks is making me deaf.” The girl did, however, lower her voice just a bit. “You fell on my head, then did a rather impressive three point somersault and landed head first on the counter. I took you to a doctor, said you’re going to be fine. We, uh, had to glue your skin back together with some super glue, though.”
It is a common misconception that sprites do not know what human inventions are, much less about concepts such as electricity, running water, and high-speed internet. However, not only is Kona and others of her very fine species perfectly aware of what these things are, they often make use of them themselves. Though it must be said that the methods of procuring these things are much more environmentally friendly than the human counterparts as it proved back in the nineteen forties that plastic production was rather hazardous to the health of most Sprites. It is very rare to find a sprite settlement that does not have any of these things unless some freak natural event happened, such as rain storms or feline attacks.
“…You couldn’t put stitches in.”
“Hey, the doctor is a little over half my size and he’s not a tailor. Besides, those needles are longer than you are, you don’t want one of those in your head.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she replied. “…Have you got something that I can take to kill this headache.”
“Not unless you want it suppository style,” the woman replied. “You’re going to have to ride it out, I’m afraid.”
“Ugh,” was all Kona could reply.
“Uh… I gotta ask. What the hell were you doing in a starbucks?”
“I don’t know,” she replied with a groan. “What’s a starbucks?”
No, despite having all of the modern things that make life supposidly more tollerable for a human being, Sprites do not have Starbucks. They have coffee, but starbucks has not yet figured out how to capitalize on the fact that Sprites love their coffee and consume it with more gusto than their human counterparts. So, for the time being, Sprites have people who half-assedly make really bad coffee for them. They are called baristas, but most sprites don’t see the point in becoming a professional in the world of Coffee.
“Uh… coffee?”
However, Kona did.
See, Sprites choose where they want their magic to go or their parents choose for them. Kona is one of the very few of an old guard called Coffee Sprites. There are very few young sprites who decide to go into the field, as it requires concentration on the part of the sprite that most just can’t muster. Kona, being herself, found great pleasure in dealing in something that was decidely more refined, elegant, and relativly child free.
“Oh…” Kona opened an eye. “…My parents must be really unhappy with me.”
Kona also happens to be a warrior princess who is not the best person to be in that role. She isn’t cut throat, or even ruthless. Shamefully, she’s just too nice for her own good. Her father wasn’t happy that she didn’t major in the art of ruling with an iron fist, though he did appreciate that she developed a sarcastic tongue. Indeed, while most of Kona’s clan is mature, they also tended to make their lives ruling over other sprites and vying to be next in line for the crown of the very old and very sickly Queen. And, to be honest, there is no one in the world, sprite, human, or otherwise, who respects a person who makes coffee for a living.
“We can talk about that later. What exactly are you?”
“I’m a sprite,” she replied. “You’re a human. What’s your name.”
“I’m Lily,” she replied.
“Kona.”
“Nice to meet you, little lady,” Lily said. “…Want some coffee?”

April 17, 2009

8:35 am

Captian’s log.

Have discovered upon inspection of travel documents that I do not have all of the required travel documents. I will have to pass through the security portal once again to talk to the ticketers. Son of a bitch.

9:11 am

It appears that I need to be checked in upon reaching the third gate again. I do not know my way around Pitsburg, so this will be interesting trying to find the gate for NWA.

I am hoping that IAD has a starbucks. The need for a double shot has risen dramaticly in the past half an hour. The boredom has settled in dramatically.

12:15

Have landed safely at IAD. Found starbucks, got Iced latte with MOER ESPRESSO! Ahem. Four shots of espresso as opposed to my normal two Holy SHIT will I be wired for my next flight, and the crash will be bad. Staff was friendly, and the drink didn’t cost as much as I had expected it to. I think I’ll go bother them later for some hot water so I can have some tea. Or, better yet, I’ll bother someone at a non-starbucks coffee place. If I do that, maybe I can piss them off by complaining about improper brewing temperatures. Hahaha, I’m a fucking bitch.

Damn, am I in a good mood.

Still no idea what my flight the hell out of Pitsburg is, but I have time to figure it out. Am going to consume some food and listen to Abney Park. Then, I will –TV! Ooo, cartoon network…. Damn distractions!

In any case, after consuming food, I will get back to work on Into the Psyche and listen to more Abney park. Holy shit, Buddist Monks! How awesome was that just now?

I swear, the ADD is pretty bad over here, maybe I should sit next to the window or just fly at night when there are fewer people about to distact me from what I’m doing. I was hoping to be able to connect to the internet for some RPage, but the starbucks here has no wifi that I can leech onto. If I went into the waiting area, maybe then, but them again probably not.

Ooo, hay, people who are late. Very late, it seems, but they just got to their gate. How awesome, I wonder where they were heading too. I wanted to laugh, and I wondered how I looked booking it across the airport with Michelle in my arms, both my hair and hers flying everywhere. Probably really fucking hilarious! Haaaaa, I can laugh about this now, but when it was happening I was in a panic. Maybe I’ll do that with cossette just for shits and giggles. Or position her so she’s STARING at someone. That’ll be fun!


4:31 pm

I should be careful what I wish for. Flight to pitsburg arrived early, however, the flight to Detroit is LATE. God dammit. I have to go from concorse A to C in a few moments to be on time to board. If all else fails, I might have something to have a few laughs about when I reach DLH… IF I get to DLH.

Ate my granola bar. No starbucks in PIT. God dammit.

And I was hoping to get a tuna roll in Detroit… That sushi resturant was the best ever…

April 18, 2009

Five mintues to run across the airport Denver. FIVE. MINTUES. I barely made my connection, which I will be talking to Delta about at some BEFORE I fly with them again next Saturday. Holy god, I couldn’t breathe at all, I had run so much. I’ve discovered I have a build up of flem in my lungs, and that didn’t help. I couldn’t breathe for about fifteen minutes after my flight. Sad thing is the guy with the stroller BEAT ME. I was so mad… but at least I got some free cookies out of the deal.

I’m so tired… and hungry now. And I need a shower. Bleh.

There was a Starbucks in Denver. I passed it in my mad dash. Suuuuuuuucks.

Giger the Rat has been put down to go to a better place.

That is all.

Despite the fact that I've never really posted on my pets, I feel the need to put this somewhere. I'll be brief, as I'm at work and no one really cares about this. There's not a lot I can do about this sitting here at work, either, but it feels nice to get it off of my chest.

First off my rat. Now, my rat is old, about two years. That's a pretty good run for a rat. However, about two or three months back he started to wheeze and cough, have crackly breathing. While he's gotten better in the past few weeks, I decided that a trip to the vet might not be a bad idea. I broke down and finally took him in today. About a quarter of my paycheck later, I find out that the crackling is in the right side of his body and could be inflammation or him trying to grow a tumor. So we're trying some antibiotics to see if that helps.

Of course, my ten year old cat is still in perfect health. Hurrah for that. My dog's in good health too, if a little on the stupid side.

On a side note, one of Heather's dogs has mammary cancer. Bleh :( It's sad, because she's annoying but her quality of life is good, and she's still active. I hate to admit it, but I'll miss her when Heather puts her to sleep next month.

There is a guy named Sam who just returned to my starbucks. Apparently, he does puns.

Oh christ in hell, PLEASE LET THIS BE A COINCIDENCE!

That is all

Okay, so the last time I even cried was back in May, when everything seemed to crash down on me and I couldn't take it any more.

Well, thank you J Sarge, for telling me I suck. I did try to cry today, however, because I'm not friendly enough, I'm rude to people, and bossy.

Well, students and employees who are complaining, most of you aren't working two jobs which expect you to smile so much that
....

no, this really isn't worth fucking complaining about. Let's just add it to the life that is full of stress, smile more, and keep my fucking mouth shut. I refuse to become the bawling sack of shit I was in high school again. As long they think I'm made of sugar, I guess I'll be just fine.

Edit: I can't even fucking spell anymore. No wonder I'm such a useless bitch.

Jesus, as if the real life drama were not enough, I have to come online and find it too.

Makes me wonder if the anonymity of the internet is REALLY a license to act like you're fifteen all of the time when you're, say, in your twenties or, even worse, IN YOUR FUCKING THIRTIES.

Really. People. Let's JUST NOT. Okay?

The more I'm on the internet now-days, the more I hate it. I know very few people on line, and if you're reading this you might wonder how it's possible for someone who spends most of her time on the internet to talk like this.

Well, let's say that a while ago, I was part of an online community that sucked me in and when I finally was out of it through an incident that was mostly of my own causing, I was SCARED to be on an IRC client. Now I am back on IRC, and am paranoid whenever a nick I recognize comes into the channel.

Funny, I have just realized that the stress isn't worth it now. Great how that works, neh?

Please excuse the language but FUCK YOU ALL. FUCK all of you who made me into the internet bitch I am today.

FUCK all of you who ruined rp for me, which includes people in RL as well as online.

And, most definitely, FUCK EVERYONE WHO KEEPS DIGGING UP MY BITTER FEELINGS. It's been eight months now, I need to be over this and on with my life.

That is all. You may see this rant elsewhere as well. I'm posting it as many places as I can. I'm tired of being silent and compliant.

Identifying as a writer is damn easy I find. I've identified as one since I was in 6th grade and decided that I wanted to write. Well, now I've got a degree that labels me officially as a writer and I have yet to write a single word of meaningful prose. I mean, that seems to be what everyone goes for when they write, correct? Part of the problem could be that I've been jaded after being told for many years that I cannot make a living writing that I have just given up.

Then again, it's only been a month, right?

I won't be this jaded forever.

I hope.